so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
