He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
