New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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