Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
