I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
