I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
only you would photoshop your dick
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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