can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
