They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
