I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize