i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
