bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize