the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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