i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize