You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
