who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
why do cheetos always look like penises
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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