is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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