Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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