I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
