What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
