I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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