You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
