you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
