I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
