i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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