I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize