I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
