So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize