Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
