I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize