I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
