he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
