was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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