Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
