In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
