I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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