walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
