Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
