Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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