The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
