i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
