therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
