TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
