JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
