Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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