I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
