The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
