did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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