Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
