I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
