"it" just moved
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
