I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
