i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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