Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
