I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
