I just made out with a guy for $7.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Text me some of your sweat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
