in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
