So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize