Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
