Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
