I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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