I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
