I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize