there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
