Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
