if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
