remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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