drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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