Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
