So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
