The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
