I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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