She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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