I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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