i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
