I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
