Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
