end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
