I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
