Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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