please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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