You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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