That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The uberlube is also flammable
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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