Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My life is pants optional.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
