Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
