I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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