I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize