the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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