Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
