Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
