You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
